little tree
little silent Christmas tree
you are so little
you are more like a flower
who found you in the green forest
and were you very sorry to come away?
see i will comfort you
because you smell so sweetly
i will kiss your cool bark
and hug you safe and tight
just as your mother would,
only don't be afraid
look the spangles
that sleep all the year in a dark box
dreaming of being taken out and allowed to shine,
the balls the chains red and gold the fluffy threads,
put up your little arms
and i'll give them all to you to hold
every finger shall have its ring
and there won't a single place dark or unhappy
then when you're quite dressed
you'll stand in the window for everyone to see
and how they'll stare!
oh but you'll be very proud
and my little sister and i will take hands
and looking up at our beautiful tree
we'll dance and sing
"Noel Noel"

eecummings

4:54 AM

YOUR NAME HERE

may my heart always be open to little
birds who are the secrets of living
whatever they sing is better than to know
and if men should not hear them men are old

may my mind stroll about hungry
and fearless and thirsty and supple
and even if it's sunday may i be wrong
for whenever men are right they are not young

and may myself do nothing usefully
and love yourself so more than truly
there's never been quite such a fool who could fail
pulling all the sky over him with one smile
ee cummings

4:48 AM

YOUR NAME HERE

thank you (unambiguously!its not someone for doing something, it is you)

daddy and mummy, john and bee... for all the loving. love you and john and bee.. i will protect you with my life.
suan.. for understanding ,for patience (this is how you ans the question, slowly, do what you can ) for introducing me to many new worlds haha how literal wow(and level 2 gnome, since deceased) , for holding me in times of distress and happiness , for simply being you and for being with me in my world of sheep, dinosaurs and talking creatures. these things that seemingly seem like nonsense make a whole world of sense with you, right? yes they do! hooray!
i think i sound mad. but they really do, thanks for that and everything.
melissa.. for swinging with me at pasir ris park! haha for talking and for understanding..i think you are a beautiful person, in every sense of the word.
karthik.. for listening with your heart always, even if it were the same thoughts repetitvely, for being a true friend, for the courage to tell me that im wrong, for being true to your thoughts. :) dont sign .. got potential dont waste. :) thanks for the honesty.. you are truly not hypocritical, and thats where i think your show is right.

weilynn.. the first person i had a heart to heart in vj with, for always making me realise im not alone.. late nights with bee poems and beloved
jamie.. my dear cousin, late night connvos, for studying with me, for understanding what i acutally mean even when im not saying anything, we've come a long way man babier.. its 18 yrs.. and many more yrs to come, hope you'll find your happiness
yining.. my dear wormification of the highest order. i dont know why we started talking in pri 5, but im glad we did, heh dhs days, vj..all the missing links are things you know about and understand. thanks for mothering the sheep, like today.. what wld have it been like were u not there :) friends forever sheep 1!
jason :) haha i dont think you will be reading this, but anyway, thanks for the thought, the letters , the emails, the encouragement. v much appreciated!you said it was nice having someone who listened, it was great having someone who wrote , even near prelims.. and i like hobbes! furry tiger. o and you used to write many X_X faces. hahaha. and i thought you were szywan. i think i still cant get over that deflated triumphant feeling hahaha.
david.. for always making all his friends feel important.. :) you have a kind heart, don't stifle it for anyone, let it fly, there are ways to attaining freedom, slowly, it will come.
cliff.. ah ha.. pigeon on a cliff. glad you're happy nowadays :) may you have beautiful days to come, happy for you, never really thanked you before, but thank you for rescuing me off the wall in dhs.
wesley.. weasel. hmm no poking of anyone now. you were shorter than me in sec1! and now you're taller. see how the tables have turned. admire your strength in adversity, and your er ability to make serious situations darn funny.. (eh you have vegetables stuck in your teeth, huh why wld you think the person means suicide, byebye means byebye what) dots dots dots. but yeah.. take care man. you can do it.
warren.. you are very sensitive to the emotions of those around you, someday im sure you'll find your answers thank you.o the questions you've been asking about life..keep on going. :) kindergarten friend! turtle mac at commonwealth!
wanyi.. we dont talk as much, and our paths dont overlap much anymore, but hope you find your happiness and sense in the world around you, :) your ability to see beauty in people is beautiful (for the lack of a better word) anything, let me know.

yongshan.. hello! yay.. your honesty is nice.. like how you explain insecurites, and the way you make it known that you like talking( i miss talking to you! ) it is heartwarming. :) haha take care and hope dota-ing will be good.

:) happy. oh dear it is 2.36 goodnight

10:00 AM

YOUR NAME HERE

even in the case of a rock, which we normally see as something solid, something that appears unchanging, when we look into the nature of that particular rock at its subatomic level, we see that it is constantly undergoing changes :)
nice.

if everything is changing, isn't it nice to have someone or someplace to come home to, everyday?
because even if it has changed subatomically, it hasnt changed so much so that it doesn't recognize you or doesn't think you are important anymore, or more so because the changed you is the same to the changed person. or maybe, people just don't think they are different.. it is the same me going to work and the same me coming home, and when people change they feel aversion to the change in security.

change. and it is time to change, change thoughts, change ways of looking at things and change ambition, but even admist these things , some things will remain the same.. like you and what you mean to me, like the way little children open up windows in my heart and how i remember them even though i dont know them.

to me happiness is peace, a balance of knowing your thoughts , a whole package of understand ing the cause and effect of all your thoughts and being able to be your mind's friend, i find that it is only when i truly understand my motivations when i can be at peace with who i am.

9:49 AM

YOUR NAME HERE

im going to say goodbye to blog .it's been more than a year, and has seen me through a chapter i would rather close, now. there aren't many explanations, it's not about circles, it's not about privacy.. it's just that it is time to move on. it's not about biterness but it has been a way to explain many things which should not be explained.
some things should be left the way they are, in their purest.
for all my friends who read this, especially mel and david, thank you!

8:47 AM

YOUR NAME HERE

its friday evening and im glad im home!
haha i dunno why i still feel like writing after the 3 hour long lit paper.. but this is different.. there were points just now where i felt i couldnt find the words.. and i had to pause and think and play with sentences but its ok! 3 more papers to go.. whee. haha was talking to mel just now and it seems there is a switch between blog and journal... dont think journal is going to go silent anytime soon anyway.. theres so much to write nowdays. it was raining (hears mel saying lovely) and was looking at the trees near the school gate.. the little place where no one really steps on.. unless you descend from the general office and there are memories too! i feel like i have come one full circle. its not a euphoriously happy jump up and down feeling, more like a silent knowing smile looking at me in j1. haha am so embarrassed at the stuff i scribbled on my year one notes.. especially since i can still remember how and why i felt the way it was. don't want to look upon any period of my life with a grimace(though it happens), so i can just smile and say no regrets, at the very end. anyway.... mm the lit unseen was interesting ,the part about the letters..sometimes i wonder how the letters i wrote look like..especially when friends mention that they still keep them, just like i keep theirs.. there were v insane ones, somber ones and i guess more to come... one thing i dont think i'll grow out of is writing, because i feel like im alive when i write. haha i mean all my emotions are alive. haha wld seem strange if you feel dead when you dont write. yay anyway. i can see the end(but i still rmb that i have bio which i havent touched, and lit3)... haha ... nowadays.. i think im out of the phase where every moodswing resulted in tears and constant self beating up self.. its just theres so much worth living for.. at first i couldnt really think of anything i really wanted to do after as.. but i journalled.. and theres so much to do.. and theres china! haha im excited. the prospect of stepping onto a plane never fails to excite me

3:01 AM

YOUR NAME HERE

to hold you in your sleep as you transverse latitudes and longtitudes of thoughts, dreams , your desires and your fears, to be asleep but to be awake, awake to your sleep, and awake to your sleeping anger.

sometimes i wonder if i wake your sleeping anger only to numb it , placating it, gently
and at times you caress my anger and meld it into care.
at times where anger and care blend themselves into a fine line of silence, a silent fortitude for hurt heres to the day i can promise i'll hold you even in your drunken sleep of rage

8:15 PM

YOUR NAME HERE

I do not love you as if you were salt-rose, or topaz,or the arrow of carnations the fire shoots off
.I love you as certain dark things are to be loved,in secret, between the shadow and the soul
.I love you as the plant that never blooms but carries in itself the light of hidden flowers;thanks to your love a certain solid fragrance,risen from the earth, lives darkly in my body.
I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where.
I love you straightforwardly, without complexities or pride;so I love you because I know no other waythat this:
where I does not exist, nor you,so close that your hand on my chest is my hand,so close that your eyes close as I fall asleep.
pablo neruda

8:10 PM

YOUR NAME HERE

-munching on food my grandma bought..i miss her and i always am out when she drops by
-how sometimes you know people need help but you dont know how to give it
-how sometimes you know what something means but its not not supp to mean that on apperance so you let it go, and just hope that the person would ask you if person really wants to talk
-how the right words at the right time make a difference
-its nice how you understand my impracticality in your practicality
-how you hunger for sushi, but when you eat simple canteen food the craving just goes away
- the water on the canal, on the way home , like the calmness of the setting sun, if every day ends well
-how i want goodbye for the day to be happy, and how i cant say that it still makes me sad
-how i believe you should never say anything to anyone else because it should occur to you to talk to the person first
-when you say you have made an exception
-sometimes making someone feel good comes from a sense of exclusivity. im doing this for you. because YOU...are MY.. not.because we do this for everyone eh
-i like this song.. hello darkness, my old friend.. the tune makes me sing...people hearing without listening
-how when eyes randomly wander on the mrt i wonder makes some eyes sad and some backs hunched

-how you said" it'll only be true if you believe it " :)
that made all the difference, to me

3:37 AM

YOUR NAME HERE